Ponderings

Lately I've been thinking a lot about advice and regrets.  To clarify, I think about what advice I'd give my past self and what I regret from my past.

 I think about myself in some periods of my life and want to punch myself in the face.  Some events or decisions from the past that I regret, when I think about it, I'm grateful for, because they taught me a lesson, got me to where I am now, etc.  Upon reflection I really wouldn't change anything.  What I would change is my attitude about what happened.  If I'd had a better attitude at the time, than the hard things that I went through, I would be able to appreciate then as much as I appreciate them now.

As far as advice goes, I've always thought it interesting how some people are so offended by advice.  Why would we not want to listen to what other people have learned, whether you agree with it or not?  It doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong, it's just a tip, take it or leave it.  I think about what advice I'd give my past self.  In high school it would have been to be brave and confident, or at least fake it.  After high school it would be to do something more productive, not waste time, and not be such a jerk to other people.  After getting married it would have been to save money and not gain so much weight, basically stop eating out at every meal, dummy.  In the early kid years it would have been to relax, everything is going to be all right.   My general life advice to myself (so far) would be to calm down, quit trying to control everything.

I think about the most common advice I hear from older people, which is to enjoy this time of my life, with little kids, that it will be over before I know it.  I rant a lot about this advice because it drives me crazy.  How can I implement this in my life?  It's easy for you to say, you're not in it right now.  You're not dragging 4 kids around a grocery store, when we all need naps and most of us are either crying or just about to cry. Come on!!! 

In my readings and discussions with other moms, I've decided that there are certain "golden" parenting moments that you can be fully in the moment for, and hopefully remember and treasure, and gloss over all the not-so-awesome times.  That's partly why I keep this blog, so that I can remember all the great things that I want to savor.

I've been also working really hard on letting things go that in the past I didn't.  For example:  sometimes my dishes sit in the sink for so long that they get smelly and slimy.  This for me is a big milestone and I'm really proud of it, because for me it takes work to let that happen.  I decided that I would be a happier person and a better mom if I just ignore the dishes and spend the time (hopefully) doing something better, like having a conversation with a kid, napping, doing a puzzle, or snuggling.  I also let the kids get their rooms as messy as they want during the week and clean it up on Saturdays.  I try so hard to let unimportant things go, and I'm still not very good, but I'm working on it.  It's hard to know in the moment what's important and what's not.

Most of all I want to get to the end of the night and not regret that I didn't spend enough quality time with the kids that day.  I don't want to regret yelling at them to clean their rooms as they're getting ready for bed.  I don't want to regret fighting with Jared about something that after a few minutes cool down I recognize was completely ridiculous.  I want to take better care of myself and be as happy as I  can be.  I want to be able to stare at the kids sweet faces when they're not looking and soak them in.  I don't want to miss any funny questions, teaching moments, or kindness because I'm grumpy for no good reason.  This is what has been on my mind.

A golden parenting moment I want to remember:

I was dropping off jack at school. Just before climbing out of the van, I ask him to turn his shirt around. He pulls his arms in spins it around, and puts his arms back out, but he's spun it completely around and it's still backward. We laugh and I help him do it again. Then I lick my thumb and wipe off the pizza sauce and call him "my pizza man". I also wipe off the salty, dried up tear marks by his eyes from earlier when he was mad. I give him a big kiss on the cheek and he hugs me around my neck. He puts on his back pack and happily hops out, while I remind him for the 10th time about turning in a paper to his teacher. He starts closing the door, and as it's shutting he calls in "You're the BEST mom! I love you!" and makes kiss noises at me until it's completely shut. My heart burst and I watched him as he ran in to school, barely able to pull the door open by himself, and I wondered if there could possibly be anything better on the whole planet.